Why couldn't she have cancer?

If my sister had cancer, we would have well wishers at our door and casseroles made. If my sister had Diabetes, people would whisper, "It's just all so unfair". If my sister had an immune disease, people would crowd lovingly around her children and do their best to fill the gaps. But my sister has a mental illness. No one makes you a casserole for Mental Illness and brings it over with a card and a hug. Even worse if you are a related to a person with mental illness - people do their best to ignore you and when they ask, "How is your sister?" - they expect a very simple response. 

"Oh she's fine."

"Things are really coming along."

These are the standard protocol for how to answer if someone asks about my sister. Some examples of what not to say:

"Actually she's been hospitalized again for a suicide attempt after she was found with frostbite living on the streets."

or

"We have no idea where she is again. She's been missing for 5 days."

No, people do not want to hear these things. You can see them get itchy as if they have a terrible rash all of a sudden. Mostly they look down at their shoes. If they are particularily perverse, they will ask for more details and listen ravenously to the grotesque plot.  On these days when I feel overwhelmed and unload about the latest antics and wrong doings, I realize that even these people only want the highlights and they are not extending a hand or a empathy. It is like slowing down to see an accident on the road - it is human nature to want to know. But it is not human nature to be kind to our defected people. Perhaps if they are medicated and doing their best to act "normal". If they have some kind of amazing skill like playing a musical instrument really well or adding up numbers in their head really fast - they can be accepted to some degree. We will even make movies about them - the mentally ill with talents. And people will cry and give $5 to a bum on the street next time and feel all warm and fuzzy. But if you are the mentally ill with no outrageous skill or marketable talent, if you are part of the mentally ill who use drugs and alcohol to cope with your uncontrollable mind or who lives on the street unable to work and contribute to society, if you are the mentally ill with no purpose - then you are literally nothing, less than a human being. There are websites and books dedicated to your eradication. There are indeed educated and lovely people I personally know who would do anything to have my sister scooped up and re-located to an island of defects. Far, far away from the rest of us. 

If my sister had cancer...this would be a very different blog wouldn't it? 

If my sister had cancer...I wouldn't worry about changing the code on the door every week in case she randomly shows up and tries to get in. I wouldn't cry myself to sleep because I cannot offer her a place to stay when she is released from the hospital with no where to go. I could love my sister without fear she will manipluate me or steal from me to get the drugs that keep her from killing herself, that trick her mind she is normal. I could trust her and wrap her in a quilt and know that she will not hide alcohol under the covers when I tuck her in. I could bring her to a friend's house and not worry she will start to cry for no reason or yell at someone or laugh too loud and drink too much.

I wish my sister had cancer.